Michael Tolosa

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
- Matthew 11:28-30

The next 90 days will be a lonely time for me. Not to say the past four years haven’t been. But to be so close to having godly companionship in recent weeks makes its imminent absence all the more potent.

I will be forsaking dating for the next three months. Not by choice, but by necessity. And while the prospect of going it alone is disappointing, I am encouraged by the fact that I’ve so recently flourished during a 4-month abstinence of worldly pleasures and can only hope this 3-month time of solitude will yield similar results.

I don’t believe God is done working with me. I think the circumstance I find myself in today is just another test of faith He’s placed in my life this year.

Since May, He has tested my commitment in many areas of life… my material possessions, my finances, my time, my church attendance/membership, my accountability to and fellowship with members of the Church, my struggle with lust and covetousness, my vocation, and my daily communion with God through Bible reading and prayer. One of the last areas in my life that has not been under the authority of Christ has been my dating life. And that seems to be the next step.

Like Abraham, God provided me with my heart’s desire after much prayer and sacrifice. But it was only to show me how He could bless me, if I made Him lord over everything in my life. Today, when He asked me to forsake the very thing I desired most for a season, I felt like Abraham did, when God told him to sacrifice his one and only son, Isaac — the one thing Abraham loved most.

I can only hope that I’ll show the same faith Abraham did, when he trusted God and was willing to sacrifice his son in obedience to God. I believe the next 90 days is my time to sacrifice my hopes and dreams and trust God that, in the end, he will provide.

It may seem today like the next three months will be a lonely time for me. But looking at the past year, I’m confident God is eager to use this time to sanctify and shape me into a more effective servant. After stripping away all the distractions in my life, I am forced to turn completely towards God. I have no other option but to spend time in prayer and reading His Word. He’s left me with nothing else.

If I can focus on God, I’m confident He’ll have something abundantly greater than I could have hoped or dreamed for on the other side of these 90 days.

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
- Ephesians 3:20-21

I’m currently in the 4th month of a television blackout. I started at the beginning of May 2009. After selling off the majority of my DVDs, all of my video games (and game systems), and other visual media, I haven’t had the desire to consume television programming.

I thought this would change once the NFL preseason started. For the first Redskins game of the preseason, I turned my TV on for the first time in 4 months, watched a couple of plays, then turned it off promptly once the first commercial began to roll.

Being away from television programming and advertisements for 4 months has made me very sensitive to the purpose and affect of advertising. I couldn’t even stand to watch one commercial, because it seemed so contrary to the life and worldview I’ve been establishing and fostering for the past 4 months.

My life this summer has been all about detaching myself from the love of material possessions, living a minimalistic lifestyle, and finding complete satisfaction and fulfillment from knowing and serving God.

The whole point of advertising is to make you dissatisfied with your life. Advertising takes advantage of your materialistic tendancies — the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life — all things the Bible warns you about.

Advertising promotes exactly the wrong things in life. Especially the advertisements you’ll see during football games. Whether it’s sex, cars, or wealth/retirement, these advertisements have nothing to offer the Christian man or woman, but hindrances to their spiritual walk.

And it’s only after being away from it for 4 months, that I can see advertising for what it is. Which is why I encourage every Christian to take an extended break from television — a “fast” if you will — to break away from the psychological hold advertising has in your life.

Not only will a fast from advertising help you be more content with the life you have, but the absence of television in your life will free up your time for other — more noble — things like family, reading, and prayer.

I didn’t set out to take an extended break from television. But I’m glad it’s turned out that way. I’m going to try and increase this 4-month blackout to an entire year. Yes, that means I’ll miss the NFL season, and yes, that means I’ll miss my favorite shows. But the time I’ll now have for daily Bible reading, prayer, friendships, and family will be more precious than anything television has to offer.

What is the time called between being single and being in a relationship? Because that’s where I am right now. I’m single, but specifically hopeful for one “friendship” to go farther. But when you throw the whole concept of dating and relationships out the window (like many in the Christian world have done), where does that leave you? Still single?

Wherever I am now, it’s definitely not my traditional role of being single. There have been several changes in my attitude and daily routines that scream loudly that I am no longer single.

There’s a joke saying (albeit true) amongst Christian men to “bounce their eyes” when they see an attractive woman who is not their wife/fiancee. Even though I’m not officially anything but single, I do find myself engaging in this practice today. Not only do I feel compelled to “bounce my eyes” at times, but I also feel compelled to “bounce my life.”

I’ve been single for a long time (it’s been 4 years since my last serious relationship). In that time, I’ve learned to be completely open to any and every opportunity to meet women. In essence, I’ve come to view every single woman I crossed paths with as a potential partner. I would be open to conversation and would initiate as many interactions as possible. This is how I became such a social person (as opposed to the extremely shy & quiet person I’ve been all my life).

Whether at work, at church, on the subway, or in the grocery store, I viewed all single woman as potential friends and dating partners. It became second nature for me to strike up conversations with absolutely anyone (except guys, which is a whole ‘nother blog post). I didn’t think twice to initiate.

But now, I find myself going against all of that social programming, as I’m trying to focus on one person. Despite my overwhelming compulsion to greet every female stranger I meet, I’m learning to “bounce my eyes.” Instead of flirting, I’m learning to be completely neutral in my conversations with other women.

I’ve even changed my daily routines. I no longer leave my condo at 8:15 AM, because I typically cross paths with a girl in the elevator, who I’ve flirted with on many occasions. I also don’t schedule one-on-one lunches with single females in the office anymore.

I don’t know what all of this means, other than the fact that I’m waiting to see if one particular “relationship” works out. I suppose it’s good to break old habits now, in order to have a successful relationship in the future.

I just wish there were a Facebook status for where I am right now.

There are a lot of cliches spoken everyday that we take for truth — or situational truths that may be apt for certain circumstances. Ever wonder which of these sayings is true?

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Out of sight, out of mind.

Both can be said to justify specific circumstances, but both cannot in fact be absolutely true.

Another apparent paradox exists with these sayings…

Birds of a feather flock together.
Opposites attract.

I say “apparent” because while these both can apply to dating, they can also apply to friendships with the same sex, etc.

However, when it comes to finding a potential spouse, should you be looking for someone who is very much like you (in personality, interests, talents, vocation, and calling?), or should you look for an opposite?

I have never heard concrete, biblical guidance on this subject. But thanks to a book I just finished and the expository commentary of John MacArthur, I discovered this evening that we should, indeed, be looking for an opposite. Seriously, it’s in the Bible.

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”
- Genesis 2:18

According to Dr. Don Raunikar in his book Choosing God’s Best, “The Hebrew word translated ’suitable’ literally means ‘opposite.’ God’s plan is to bring us a mate who can support us where we are weak and fill in the gaps where our own lives have holes.”

John MacArthur confirms this interpretation in his study Bible: “The words of this verse emphasize man’s need for a companion, a helper, and an equal. He was incomplete without someone to complement him in fulfilling the task of filling, multiplying, and taking dominion over the earth. This points to Adam’s inadequacy, not Eve’s insufficiency. Woman was made by God to meet man’s deficiency.”

So, someone like me shouldn’t be looking for someone who is identical to me — someone who has the same personality traits and interests. I should be looking for someone who would make a good companion and be strong in the areas that I am weak.

This brings up another cliche, though… You complete me. You always hear that you should not be trying to find someone to “complete” you, as you will be codependent. But what’s wrong with codependency? Is that not how God designed marriage? For two people to become one & depend on each other?

After my reading tonight, I no longer fear pursuing someone who is different from me.

AskMen (a totally secular publication) just released a story about 5 things you didn’t know about divorce. The first thing listed is this stat, which should make all evangelical Christians embarassed…

1- Born-again Christians have the highest divorce rate
The first thing you didn’t know about divorce is that some predictors of divorce need to be shouted from the mountain top.

A study by Barna Research Group found that the 33% divorce rate among born-again Christians, or evangelicals, was the highest among Christian denominations. Not surprisingly, these results met with a flood of criticism, much of which raised one of the most disputed questions in this field: What is the biggest predictor of divorce among the broader population, the most common of all the common denominators?

The answer generally depends on who you ask, but two predictors frequently mentioned are first, age at marriage and second, income — notably, couples under age 20 with an income under $25,000 have a very high risk of divorcing. Throw in a pregnancy, and they’re pretty much doomed.

Things Christians should learn from this… Marrying young is a recipe for a failed marriage. You should wait until you’re sure of your calling (ministry & vocation), and wait until you’re financially and emotionally stable enough to support a family.