By Michael Tolosa | August 29, 2001 - 10:24 am
Posted in Category: Work, Love & Dating, Photography, Friends, Life

In two days, the summer is officially over for me. With it, end all the subplots of my summer life. It’s been four months since losing my job & starting this journal. Much has happened since May 1. The summer was an island of experience—lush, exciting & enjoyable—yet separate, self-contained & foreign. I experienced new things and met new people—all will still have some influence in my life from now on. Like a book, every story had a beginning and an end. And now I find myself back at the beginning, excited to start again. I received what I needed over the summer. My creativity & passion have been recharged. I’ve become a new man. I’m now ready to return to the life I left behind in May—equipped with a renewed sense of inspiration & a sharp competitive drive. I have no strings attached. It’s an open road ahead of me, and I can’t wait to go for a drive.

However, one cannot move forward without looking back. It’s time to give closure to the recent events of my life & say goodbye to the Summer of 2001…

Roku has fallen, and I don’t care. I’m not sure how I didn’t see the rottenness of Roku until I was forced to step away from it. Based on what has happened this summer, losing my job at Roku has been one of the most wonderful events of my life. I don’t think I’ll ever see any of those people again—with a few exceptions. I will continue to see Rich at church. Kirk, Sam, Eric & Doug all had prior connotations to me before working at Roku, so I will still see them in that capacity. I will see dear Kelly in two weeks, when she comes to visit the area for a few days in September. I figure we’ll remain in contact via email. She’s now “my friend in California.” Who knows, maybe I’ll have the opportunity to visit CA & hang out with her sometime in the future.

My months with Siobhan were fun. The time I spent getting to know her & hanging out with her will always be with me. Befriending someone so different from me (yet, of course, alike in so many ways) was a new experience for me. It also felt wonderful to be around someone who really wanted to be around me—if only for a short time. Alas, there is nothing more than friendship between Siobhan and I. I barely see her & I don’t expect that to change anytime soon. Maybe it was just a “summer fling,” but my experience with her holds a prominent place in my history. Our relationship gave me a boost in confidence & self-esteem—not to mention the sheer joy of dating again. Things eventually didn’t work out between us, but that doesn’t mean I consider our time together any less special. She was the catalyst for a summer of inspiration. And I thank God for bringing her into my life.

It seems like plans for Rich & I to take over the world are indefinitely on hold. I personally don’t think it’s going to happen, but it sure would have been nice. I’m now seriously looking for employment elsewhere, as I’m sure Rich is, too.

Just as it seemed like all of my friends were leaving me (Conrad & Doug moving to PA, Michelle going to the Czech Republic, Jamie spending more time in FL, Jeff becoming Mr. Hermit), God brought the Ghoti Clan back to town for a long-term stay. I’ve recently learned to appreciate their presence in my life. Especially Joel, Adam & Deanne. (Actually, I can add Michelle to that list, now that I consider her—albeit very highly—simply a friend. More on that later…) These people previously represented an attitude & lifestyle I didn’t claim as my own. Their interests were not my interests, so I never really embraced them as my close friends. But that’s all changed. They were there for me this summer. Through my desire & willingness to open my mind & relate strongly to Michelle, I became exposed to a life that I really enjoy. I’ve still got a long way to go to fit into this world, but I’m happy to know that God has placed people in my life to help me along.

Dating is mentally & financially challenging. And I don’t want to do it anymore—not for a while, at least—not until I get back on my feet. In the coming months, I will make a point to hang out with people like Siobhan, Carol and Maria—but not as dates. I don’t even want to think about getting emotionally attached to another woman (especially if it’s not returned in kind). I called Lynne a few times, but she hasn’t returned my calls. I believe this old friendship from college can now be closed. I emailed Jessica & there is still hope of us getting together to say hello & catch up. I believe I can finally say goodbye to Tara—cover girl & inspiration for “Heroine,” as well as the love of my life during college & my mind’s ideal for the many years that followed. Tara is far and away, and I don’t expect to see or hear from her again. She left my life without a word, but I’m finally realizing that there will never be closure to our friendship. It ended with no ceremony. As hard as it is to accept a loose end in my life, God gives me the grace to let go.

Closing out the summer was my precious time with Michelle. I look back & am embarrassed by my emotions & even the things I’ve said in this journal. But regardless of my own immaturity & retro junior high attitude, I can’t diminish the time I got to spend with this great girl. It started with group bowling outings, then an abandoned house hunt with just the two of us, then movies, dinner, and finally a week at Virginia Beach—just the two of us. After a week at Bethany Beach with Adam & Deanne, our time together wound down. After today, it will be over. Michelle has opened my eyes to a whole new world. Her background, desires, goals, talents & interests inspire me. We’re like minds, and I hunger for her input in every area of my life. I cherish our friendship & hope to continue hanging out when she gets back. But let me be honest & realistic here… It is just a friendship. I regret making more of it in my mind, in my heart & in my journal. Though I love her to death as a friend & would do anything for her, there is no indication that anything beyond friendship will work out between us. It just isn’t clicking, and the inevitable outcome becomes more and more apparent each day. Today, we’re going to hang out, talk about her website, take some Heroine pics in D.C., and maybe have dinner. It’ll probably be the last time I see her before she leaves. I’m sad to see her go, but I can now appreciate her departure for what it is—a friend leaving to serve God. And that’s great. I’m saddened to think how my prior foolishness has affected our friendship in a negative way—whether it be intimately between the two of us, or dynamically within our entire group of friends. I don’t regret being a passionate person. But I regret not being able to control it, focus it, and use it hand-in-hand with wisdom.

The summer is over. The entire summer story is over. The characters have made their entrance & their exit. The plot has thickened. The conflicts, resolved. Call this the denouement.

Today marks a new beginning. I take the knowledge & the lessons I’ve learned—as well as my newfound inspiration for life & art—and begin my journey towards the future. Whatever God has in mind for me is OK. I’m anxious to get back to work, start new projects, meet new people & fully develop friendships with those I already know.

I woke up this morning with a clean slate. So, let’s get started.

By Michael Tolosa | August 28, 2001 - 4:06 pm
Posted in Category: Love & Dating, Dreams

It’s just like when Tara left.

From out of nowhere, Tara entered my dream last night to talk to me about friendships & their tragic unpredictability. I asked her why we didn’t keep in touch after she moved, and she pointed out the great physical distance between us. We talked about how we were just gaining momentum in our friendship right before she left. She shrugged & said that’s the way it goes.

Aside: About a month ago, I had a similar dream about Jessica (yet another ‘Heroine’ girl). But that dream ended with the hope of seeing her again & continuing our friendship. Last night’s dream with Tara did not.

When Tara turned to leave, I grabbed her arm & told her not to go without me. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew how dreams go: She’d leave, I’d go look for her, and she’ll be gone. I told her to wait for me, while I got my coat. She said she would. I ran down several hallways, searching the rooms for something. I managed to find a box of coats in one room. I put one on, turned & ran back to the front door.

She had already left. I bolted out the front door & looked everywhere for her. She was gone. I couldn’t believe it. I hadn’t seen her in 5 years. She walks into my dream & leaves me just like that? I just wanted to scream.

How many more of these depressing departures must I deal with?!

By Michael Tolosa | August 27, 2001 - 10:38 am
Posted in Category: Life

…and the rest is silence.

By Michael Tolosa | August 26, 2001 - 4:03 pm
Posted in Category: Love & Dating, Photography, Friends, Travel

On the way back from the beach, Michelle and I stopped by a bunch of abandoned houses. I got some pics of her taking pics of the houses. (I don’t know—maybe they’ll be useful in the future.) We also did the first of two Heroine shoots at one of the houses. The other one will be done Tuesday on the streets of D.C. That’s the money shot—the cover.

We stopped by Michelle’s place for a bit, then headed over to Christian’s reception. There was all this expectation for social weirdness from everybody. But, from my point-of-view, there was little, if any. It was a blast seeing old, familiar faces. I know I’ll forget some people, but those there included Christian, Veronica, J.J., Carlos, Sergio, Robby, Doug, Mark, Conrad, Julia, Adam, Deanne, Michelle & myself. There were also relatives of friends & friends of friends, as well as people from Adam’s old church.

It was nice to mingle, but the inevitable feeling of claustrophobia kicked in, and I wanted to leave after about an hour.

We all parted ways for a few hours, then met up for dinner and a movie. We saw Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, which was fairly humorous, but really crude. Then we all hung out in the street outside & talked.

Now that I’m back home, I’m having trouble handling the whole dynamic of the past two weeks. The trouble is, Michelle & I are both individual parts of the same group of friends. Will fluctuations between two parts influence & change the whole? I’m reminded that she has longer, more established friendships with others in the group. How do I compete with that? (…No, not compete. Compliment.) How do I find room within the life of a girl who’s been completely content without me for her entire life? I suppose every new friendship faces this dilemma. But I don’t have the answer.

That’s not true. From what I’ve gathered & what I’ve been told, the answer is patience. I’m fine with that. Really, I can & will wait. The question haunting me, however, is will she?

By Michael Tolosa | August 25, 2001 - 9:14 am
Posted in Category: Love & Dating, Friends, Travel

On Friday, we went out on the beach for the last time. Nothing special. Just 3 or 4 hours in the sun & cool water. The only other thing we did yesterday was cram into “the bird” & head down to the Ocean City boardwalk. We walked around, rode the Zipper two times (more on that later), rode the Ferris Wheel, played some Skee Ball, ate some fries, entered a contest to win a Harley and shopped for shells.

The Zipper is the scariest ride ever. I can handle most of it pretty easily, but the feeling of flipping over frontward just freaks the hell out of me. Michelle was screaming her little head off. I wasn’t far behind.

It was an anti-climactic day. I guess in the back of everyone’s mind was the knowledge that this was our last day on the beach. For me, that translates into one of the last times I’ll be able to hang out with Michelle. Nothing puts a damper on your spirits more than knowing something like that. I wanted to get drunk last night—to finally see what it was like, but we had to get up early the next morning, and no one seemed to be in the mood to go crazy. So, I went to bed. And the others followed shortly after.

It’s 8:30 AM Saturday morning. I got up at 7, took a shower, packed all my stuff, photographed the sunrise from the deck, and am now sitting on the deck, watching the waves roll in & pondering my future.

The last two weeks have been amazing. Sure, maybe I should have done some things differently. But I have no regrets. My “life” was put on hold, while I experienced completely new things. I actually went to the beach. It seems like such a little thing now, but it was foreign to me before last week. I went to the beach for a week with a girl. I can tolerate alcohol now. Maybe that will turn out to be a bad thing, but that’s not the point. I feel really comfortable socially around people I used to not. I’m still at a loss as to how to proceed with Michelle, but I’m OK with not having all the answers. Planning & strategy is over-rated. Sometimes it’s more rewarding to win the spontaneous victories. Those great, unplanned lines and moments are the ones you remember forever.

I don’t know what’s going to happen between now and September 1st. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the 3 months that follow. I don’t know what’s going to happen when she returns. …But that’s OK.

To quote Michelle: If God really wants you to be with someone, He’ll make it happen. Whether it’s now, or 6 months from now.

I truly believe that.