I have ten days before I’m hopping a plane to Chicago. This is my birthday gift to myself. I’m going to see some cool friends for the first time. We’re going to hang out and paint the town red.

Aside: Tomorrow, I’m tossing out all my junk food (chips, soda, etc.) and stocking up on low-carb Atkins food. It’s hardcore dieting for me, baby. Gotta impress the ladies, you know what I’m sayin’?

“Retro” and “low-budget,” this chain of 1500’s-style Protestant churches provides a “classic” worship environment, along with “plain, hearty” eats for morning communion. The Bolla Valpolicella wine screams “chic,” while the broken pieces of Wonder Bread announce “ghetto.” Despite its wide popularity, many foes slam it as “cliché” and as a “tired” imitation that merely “makes you wish for the real thing.”

My head is spinning. My clothes smell like smoke. My eyes are closed more often than not. I’m both physically and mentally tired tonight. Tired of setting up fronts to deal with different groups of people.

Every social group demands a different demeanor. Different social events call for different personalities. I put them on like jackets, right before I go out for the evening. I do this for self-preservation. To keep others from reaching the real me. People can like or dislike my facades all they want. It doesn’t matter to me, because I know it’s not really me they’re rejecting or, as the case may be, accepting.

I’ve got my own world with just me and God. He’s the only one I can be vulnerable with. It’s safe with Him. And there are no questions of loyalty or motives. I’m trying really hard to bring people into that world, but my defenses and my cynicism make it much too difficult. Especially, when I’m not even convinced I need to bring anyone in.

For now, I’ll keep playing my parts. Make my life interesting. But, through it all, I will always be looking for that someone to take behind the curtain.

A new year. A new me.

I’ve started my journal again, but unlike last time, I will not take it seriously and will not write about the very personal lives of myself or my friends.

I thought I could live without writing, but it draws me to itself each and every day. I thought I could let some creative juices seep out onto the Decapolis message board, but its topical structure cannot contain my liquid mind.

So, what’s been happening in my life since my last entry? I sold my condo, paid off all my debt, and moved in with my sister and brother-in-law in Centreville, Virginia. As I said, I’m debt-free and free to pursue any path I wish. I will be spending the next couple of weeks deciding just what it is that I want to do. It’s a crucial moment in my life, and I need to start making decisions with utmost wisdom.

To no one’s surprise, I asked a Red Robin waitress out two nights ago. She hasn’t called, but boy was it fun!

I’ve been making a new friend online. I will be visiting her soon. She’s so cool.

I’ve been out partying for what seems like two straight weeks. My friends and I have been hanging out at Clyde’s a lot. We went to Dave & Buster’s for a “guy’s night out” earlier this week, and we’ve been bowling twice. I’ve been hanging out more and more with people outside the “ghoti group.” Making new friends is certainly a good thing, because I’m interacting with personalities unlike mine and visiting places I would never go to. Of course, these new friends have friends, so I imagine my social circle will be expanding steadily.

I will be going to see Fu Manchu at the Black Cat in D.C. tomorrow night with the usual suspects. Mark is coming down, so that should be exciting. I’ve never heard Fu Manchu before. They better be good. But, even if they aren’t, the great thing about the Black Cat is that you can just go downstairs and drink in the Red Room or dance in the DJ room if you don’t like the music upstairs.

Today has been a good day so far. Involving flowers, no less.