My friends and I went to Club Heaven & Hell in D.C. tonight for their 80’s dance night. I had four hard ciders & got really wobbly. At first, it was weird, because I’m looking around for someone to dance with, blah, blah, blah. But after the alcohol kicked in, the whole group of us just formed a circle towards the side of the club and let loose. Screw what everyone else thought. We had ourselves a fabulous time. I just closed my eyes and cut the rug, baby. It was fun, fun, fun. All I really remember is that “Thriller” was great to dance to.

It’s 5 AM. I think I should go to bed.

I wish news anchors and news writers would just shut up and report the news. I don’t give a ding dong what they think about the news—their opinion means nothing to me.

I hate when they shake their heads and say things like, “that’s too bad” or “he’s got problems” (referring to someone in the story they disagree with ideologically). I hate when they banter with the weatherman. I hate when they try to ad lib some joke and fall all over themselves.

Here’s a hint for journalists and aspiring TV news personalities… Shut up. Shut up and report the news. Just read the freakin’ teleprompter and don’t try to think. If I want news commentary, I’ll watch O’Reilly.

For that matter, here’s a tip for all the entertainers, actors, models, etc…. Shut up. Shut up and act or sing or strip or do whatever it is we pay you to do. You’re not a politician. I don’t give a ding dong how you think the world can be saved. We have people who study those subjects for a living. Let them do their job. Just do what your fine arts degree qualifies you to do. Smile and look pretty.

I hate it when the speaker at church spends all his time making jokes and witty metaphors and stupid little life illustrations. Just shut up and get to the point. I’m not here to laugh—if I was, I’d be watching Chris Rock or Denis Leary on HBO at home. If your message has no actual content, just shut up and sit down. Save us all an hour of our lives and dismiss us early. Maryland’s playing, and the Oscars are on tonight.

I hate it when the person at the checkout counter asks you if you want their frequent customer card, then tells you, as you’re filling out the form, to get out of the way, so the next customer can check out. I hate it when they refer to the book/movie/whatever you’re buying & say, “Oh, that’s really good. You’ll like it.” Thanks. It’s good to know I’m not a complete idiot for buying it. Just shut up.

I hate it when I go get a haircut, and the person cutting my hair starts talking to me. Hello? Shut up.

And the dentist, too. I’ve got a freakin’ tube shoved down my throat, and he’s asking me about the weather. Let me tell you something about the weather, pal—the sun don’t shine where I’m about to shove your head, you know what I’m saying? The cold front of my foot is about to meet the warm front of your pants, and showers of tears will likely ensue.

I hate it when middle-aged yuppie wannabe’s talk shop at Starbucks. I’m sitting there, drinking my four dollar hot chocolate, and all I hear behind me are java class this and dot com that. Hey, I’ve got a website for you fellas. It’s called “www.shutthefuckup.com.” Try punching that into your web browser.

I hate it when the person in line in front of me at the grocery store is yakking away with the checkout clerk, even after paying. Shut up, already. I have to tell her she resembles the monstrosity on the cover of World News before she’ll move her rump. I hate it when that person leaves, I get up to the front, and there’s an uncomfortable silence. The clerk, who was all smiles and giggles moments before, now won’t even look at me. At least those guys don’t try to initiate conversation. But, I always say hello just to piss them off. Occasionally, I’ll ask them about the weather or tell them how good the pizza rolls I’m buying are.

Man
In
Charge of
Humping
All the
Elegant
Ladies

Did I say humping? I meant, helping out.

So I was talking to Laurel (of Aleixa) this evening, and it was like talking into a mirror. She’s planning to move into D.C. and has been checking out prices for apartments. She said there were basically two types of apartments: Older ones with no dishwasher, microwave, and other amenities (which run around $1,000), and the newer ones with all that stuff (which run around $1,500). These apartments are located in the good part of D.C., somewhere in the NW area. Also, for $100 a month, I could get a parking spot in a garage. If I was making what I was making at Roku, I could afford the higher-end model, but who knows what kind of job I can get in D.C.? The FBI is a possibility.

So, the more I think about it, the more I want to live in the city. I loved being at Janna’s place in Brooklyn, NY. And I loved being at Jessy’s place in Chicago, IL. I think that, once I get another well-paying job, I’m going to get an apartment in downtown D.C., or possibly move up to New York. My circle of friends is slowly dissipating here in northern Virginia, and I need to start thinking about relocation. Even though I’m almost certain I want to stay on the east coast, I’d like to take the time to visit cities like Seattle and L.A., just to make sure I’m not a west coast dude. I’m definitely not into hot weather, so I won’t go south of Virginia. And I like the “dirty city” feel of D.C. and New York. Even if I turn out to not like the city, I think everyone should spend at least a year or two living in a major U.S. city. I want the experience of not driving everywhere, but rather walking to places and taking cabs and the subway. I do know some people who actually live in D.C. (Cheryl, Eden, Tracy, etc.), and I do know Janna in New York (plus, if I lived in New York, I could go to the coolest church in the world—the Village Church in Greenwich Village).

Hmmm…

But after considering all the factors, I keep coming to the conclusion that I should just stay in northern Virginia, but move to a closer suburb like Vienna. My world is pretty much centered around Vienna now, anyway (church, friends, night life, etc.). And Vienna does have a downtown strip of restaurants, coffee houses, shops and clubs. There’s a 24-hour diner, two comic shops, two Starbucks, a Christian coffee house/concert venue, and plenty of my friends (past and present).

I think I just convinced myself. I definitely want to move to Vienna.

…but I want friends in all the major US cities, so I can go visit them every now and then!