I bought a guitar on Sunday. I bought a guitar and I was happy. I don’t know how to play it yet, but I’ve made the commitment to learn. I don’t have any music, except an old Chris Isaak songbook. My dream is to learn several songs before my week at the beach next month. I can’t think of a more relaxing thing to do in all the world than sit on the deck of the beach house, watch the waves roll in and play a slow love song under a deep sunset sky. Friends, surf, and sand. Me and my guitar. Every good boy deserves love. A woman to long for. And a sad song to sing.

I met her four months ago. It was the first day at my new job. It was April Fools Day. My manager brought me into a Marketing meeting to sit in and listen. I was introduced to everyone in the room, except one woman who came in late. Of them all, she was the one I wanted to meet the most. I tried to figure out what her name was, but nobody referred to her during the meeting, and she didn’t say a word. When the meeting was over, nobody introduced us, so I simply left with my manager and went back to my cubical.

In time, I ran into her in the halls, smiled and said hello to her whenever I could. But I didn’t know her name until I was tasked to assist her with testing the new corporate website. Her name was *******, and I was very fond of her. Due to my own workload, I was unable to devote any significant time to testing. We mutually agreed that someone else should handle it.

About a month ago, I found myself walking out to the parking lot with her during our lunch break. I very nonchalantly asked her if she knew anyone who was a fan of Chris Isaak. I had an extra ticket to his concert and no one to go with. She said she might know someone and would get back to me. I never heard from her.

Last Thursday, I ran into her in the hall on the way to the water cooler. We smiled and greeted one another, and then she stumbled over her feet and nearly fell. I turned away and pretended not to have seen her. As she placed her hand over her face in embarrassment, I smiled and discovered I had become completely infatuated with her.

The next day, we had an all-hands Marketing meeting in one of the large conference rooms. I noticed her leaving early for the meeting, so I followed shortly after. I arrived behind a group of young men, and when we entered the room, I looked over their shoulders and saw that only a few people had already arrived. She was sitting alone at a table in the back of the room and looked up at me, as I walked towards her. Pointing to the empty chair beside her, I asked if anyone was sitting there. She misunderstood me, said Absolutely! and pleasantly moved her belongings away from my side of the two-person table.

The meeting was 3 ½ hours. We talked during the breaks and during lunch. Being our first conversation, I gathered very little other than our shared taste in movies and our mutually solitary lives. It’ll have to do, I thought, since the meeting was over, and it was time to head back to our cubes. There was one other thing I was able to find out, sitting there beside her. I looked several times to be sure, and each time it was not there. There was no ring on her finger.

At the end of the day, I emailed her with information on three movies she said she was interested in seeing. I told her if she wanted company, that I’d be happy to see them with her. She said she’d let me know.

Friday ended, and then came the weekend. Monday arrived, and I invited her to lunch on Tuesday. She accepted and, when Tuesday arrived, we went to a small Thai restaurant down the street for lunch. Our conversation was light, but real. We talked about work, about our families and our pasts, about food, animals, religion and our choice of entertainment. It was the most personally informative conversation I’ve had with any one person at any one time. During the drive back to the office, we freely discussed our intentions.

Aside: While it may seem too soon to be clarifying this sort of thing in a friendship, it felt like just the right time. When you mix two regulars (read: coworkers) together on a Friday and let their emotions stew over a long weekend, all possibilities get considered and all reasoning gets examined. By Tuesday, I was decidedly ready to up the ante in our relationship, and she had obviously been considering the same thing.

She expressed her concerns (regarding her currently-ending relationship, our age difference, co-worker status, etc.), and we both considered them for a moment. Then I asked her to see Amélie with me that night, and she said yes.

We met at the theater at 6:45. Because there wasn’t much time before the showing, we ate upstairs at McDonalds, rather than next door at the sit-down restaurant. I could have sat there the entire evening, not touching my food and just looking at her smiling face and her big, brown eyes. But we had a movie to catch.

The theater was fairly crowded—but not so much so, that we couldn’t get decent seats. We scooted into one row and decided it was too close. There were empty seats behind us, so we decided to move back. I offered to help her hop over the chairs with me, but through her laughter, she opted for walking down the rows. When we finally got seated, I noticed an old couple looking at the two of us with warm smiles. Their smiles were smiles of approval…or of reminiscence. Either one made me happy. So I smiled back.

I already knew Amélie was an enchanting movie, but I was delighted to see her reaction to watching it. She was fully immersed throughout the film, a look of joy on her face and her eyes wide open. Every time she turned to laugh and smile at me, my spirit slipped into my chest, and I couldn’t breathe.

When the movie ended, we left the theater and walked back to our cars. We couldn’t stop gushing over the film. We gushed over the cinematography and the music. We gushed over the story and the actors. She said the character Amélie was so cute—with her short black hair, smile, and big brown eyes. I agreed and said she reminded me of another beautiful woman I know. She said nothing, but smiled widely.

I walked her back to her car, and we stood there not knowing what to say. There she was. There I was. And there was reality planted firmly between us. I knew I couldn’t ask her out again. At least not yet. Instead, I told her it had been a wonderful day. She agreed and said it truly had been a wonderful day. The perfect day. We said goodbye and parted ways.

I went home engulfed in all the enchantment that had built up throughout the day. I knew the magic would probably be gone in the morning, but I didn’t think about that or do anything before going to bed, except smile and fall deeply in love.

Two are better than one,
Because they have a good reward for their labor.
For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls,
For he has no one to help him up.
Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;
But how can one be warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.

Sunday night was the big Chris Isaak concert in Maryland. I’ve been so excited to finally see him live. He’s been my favorite male performer since early high school. If there’s been one show I’ve wanted to experience more than any other, it’s been a Chris Isaak show.

I arrived at the venue early and took a stroll around the outside. I noticed Kenny (the drummer for Silvertone—Chris Isaak’s band) walking towards me with some other dude. I smiled at him, then as they walked past, I heard them talking & I knew by his voice that the other dude was Chris (it was hard to tell visually, because he had shades and a cap on). I turned around, whipped my Fuji disposable camera out of my jacket pocket, and asked them if I could get a picture. Chris took my camera, gave it to Kenny and told him to take our picture. Kenny’s one hell of a fast snapper & took the picture as soon as I got next to Isaak (hence my oblivious look in picture 1).

When I got inside, I immediately went to the merch stand and bought an autographed CD. Inside a select few, there were backstage passes. I eventually spent $100 on four CDs, then called it quits. The worker behind the counter took a look at the next CD and saw that it was a winner. He said, if I had bought one more, I would have won. He exchanged the winning CD for one of mine and told me I deserved it. I thanked him, then walked to my seat a very happy man.

Natalie Merchant opened up for Chris, and she was pretty darn good. I love her album “Tigerlily.”

During the intermission, I bought 3 Chris Isaak t-shirts and two signed 8×10’s. When I got back to my seat, I laid them on the vacant seat next to me. (You see, I had an extra ticket to the show, but none of my friends wanted to come with me. Sad, I know—not for me, but for my friends, who don’t know a great artist when they hear one!) It’s weird, but I kind of preferred being there alone. It’s just the way you have to go to a Chris Isaak show—alone, rejected, in love and forever blue.

Chris got on stage, and his band rocked and entertained for an hour and a half. He’s really funny on stage (reminiscent of Ghoti Hook). He engaged the audience really well and had hilarious stories about his band members. Some of his jokes were rehashed (I heard them already on the bootleg concerts and radio shows I bought on eBay), but that’s all right. He came out into the audience for one song, but I was too far away to get a good look at him. During a lull in the set, he asked those who came with someone they loved to raise their hands. Everyone did (except me, of course). Then he asked all the single, desperate people to raise their hands, so I gave him a rock on fist and threw up the horns, much to the amusement of those around me. (Ha, ha—Me so funny.)

After an encore, ending with—of course—Forever Blue, the show was over. I sat back in my chair as everyone left the pavilion. When it was clear, I went over to the backstage area and got my backstage pass. Since I was alone & able to get two passes with my winning CD, I picked out the cutest single girl around and asked her if she wanted to go backstage with me (hubba hubba). Of course, she accepted, and the two of us talked and joked around until Chris came to sign autographs. The girl and I came up with a plan. We would take each other’s picture with Chris, I would give her my cell phone number, she would call me & give me her address, and I would send her copies of the pictures of her & Chris. It was an ingenious plan. Now she HAS to call me!

We got our autographs and pictures (I got Chris to sign/personalize my two 8×10 photos). I sold two of my extra CDs to fans, who had nothing for Chris to sign. I was tempted to sell my second disposable camera to those who desperately wanted one (you see, cameras were not allowed in the venue—I just happened to waltz in with two in my pocket), but I figured that would mess up my whole plan with the girl, if she knew I had another camera. Ah, the things I do for love…

It felt so good. It was such a Chris Isaak thing to do. Come to a concert alone, sitting beside an empty seat the whole show…then meet a beautiful girl later and bring her backstage. Unfortunately, she lives in Maryland, so I didn’t think it good for anything but a few laughs. It’s during times like those—when I have nothing to lose—that I have the most courage with women (I’ll call it my “Chris Isaak courage”). Now, if only I can bring some of that bravado into my daily, local life, I might have better luck with chicks. Ha!

I set two alarms on Saturday morning—my normal bedside alarm clock and my wristwatch, which I left on the kitchen counter. They both went off at 5 o’clock. I turned my alarm clock off and slept for another half hour. Slowly, I noticed the constant (and annoying) sound of my wristwatch in the kitchen & had to get up to turn it off. With great reluctance, I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and got out of bed. Thus began my Saturday. The day would end, however, with me covered with dirt, sweat and tears, sitting in a hotel room halfway across the country.

I rushed to get myself ready and finished packing (one bag of clothes and a camera bag). I left my apartment, stopped by the bank to get some cash, and then bolted to the airport. I parked in the Daily garage and took a shuttle to the terminal. Inside, I waited for Jeff to arrive. When he did, we rushed to the gate. We were the last two to board the plane—just barely making it before they shut the door. We had a stopover in Chicago, then headed to Peoria. When we got there, we took our rental car and drove to our hotel in Canton.

Because the weather seemed fairly decent—plus the fact that I didn’t think there’d be any place to change at Cornerstone—I decided to change out of my shorts and into my black pants and button up shirt. The Ghoti crew was donning black for Ghoti Hook’s final show at midnight. (I came to find out later that I could’ve changed in Ghoti Hook’s truck at any time.) Throughout the day, my black garb turned into crinkled, dusty, sweaty coverings. By the end of the day, I didn’t care.

Jeff and I arrived just in time to see Joel’s talk at the Decapolis stage. It was a good one. I haven’t made the Cornerstone trip since 1996, so I’ve never heard Joel speak from stage. What he said was personal and moving. While I’ve picked up pieces of Joel’s history here and there during the past ten years, I didn’t know a whole lot about what he spoke of.

At the Decapolis tent, I ran into Jessy Pie and her friends, as well as Fancy Pants Chance, the Rachel and other Decapolis folks. I hardly know anyone from Decapolis, and those I do know were hanging out with people I didn’t, so it all seemed kind of awkward. I’m not exactly the most sociable person around strangers.

I was able to hook up with the McLean girls (Laurel, Stephanie, Diane and Tanya) at the tent and say hello to Mark, Doug, Julia, Conrad, Sharon, Robb-A, Janna and others I don’t get to see much of anymore. Of course, the local Ghoti crew was there (Jamie, Joel, Adam, Deanne and Michelle). I ran into Alicia (the girl who hurt her ankle at 80’s dance party), Eden (who rode up with Michelle), and the dynamic duo—Kevin and Tony (the audio kings of McLean Bible Church), who made the trip up to run sound for Ghoti Hook. Add to that Jeff and myself, and you had a veritable homecoming.

Once the McLean girls went back to the dorm to wait out the day, I headed to the Ghoti Hook merch table, where I practically stayed for the next four hours. It was too hot and dusty to be walking around, and I had nowhere to go. There weren’t any bands I wanted to see until 10 PM that night. Upon Jamie’s recommendation, I had myself two rib-eye sandwiches, which were excellent. Janna, Dirk and I went over to see Over the Rhine play, but the stage they were on was two bands late, so we didn’t stick around to wait. I went back to the merch tent, bought a DecapoLUSH t-shirt from FuR and talked video games with Fancy Pants and Jeff.

Seven o’clock finally arrived, but I was too late exiting the merch tent to catch Conrad’s talk at the Decapolis stage. Immediately afterwards, Joel and Julia got up and led praise & worship. By then, Laurel, Diane, Stephanie and Tania returned, and we (along with Michelle) sang worship songs for the next half hour. Diane, Tania and Michelle left sometime during the service (I think Diane was hunting for some band’s cute bassist), so Laurel, Stephanie and I walked around and tried to figure out what to do. Stephanie went down to the main stage to see Jennifer Knapp, and Laurel and I went to the Encore stage for Ghoti Hook’s sound check.

When everyone met back up, Stephanie and I headed down to the main stage for the Sixpence None the Richer show. We were a bit late, so we missed a few songs. When we got there, the grounds were heavily packed. Instead of trying to weasel through the mass of people or settle for a bird’s eye view, we came down the very steep hill on the right side of the stage. Obviously, there weren’t many people as daring, because once we managed to get to the bottom, we had a clear walkway towards the front of the stage. I was literally leaning on the barricade fence in front of the stage (right below the woman hand-signing the lyrics). It couldn’t have worked out better. I was able to get up front for the Sixpence show without sacrificing time with friends beforehand. I was able to unload 3 rolls of film on the band (although Leigh was the only one lighted for most of the show). Not only did I accomplish my personal goals for the show, but Sixpence also played nearly all new songs (from their forthcoming album). The songs were amazingly good. I can’t wait for the new album to come out September 24. Leigh shared from the stage the dilemma the band has been experiencing with their record label the past couple of years, and how disappointing it was to be at such a peak in their careers and then to be stifled and held back by uncontrollable circumstances. Ever since I met the band in 1995, they’ve had the worst luck with record labels. It was their dilemma back then, and it’s their dilemma today. I feel so bad for those folks. If there’s one group that deserves to make it, it’s them. Regardless, they persevere, keeping faith in God, and that makes me love them more.

After Stephanie and I made the trek back to the Encore stage, everyone was a buzz in preparation for the start of the show. The backstage area was cleared and Robb-A played doorman, as Ghoti Hook, friends and family filtered into the backstage area. I secured a rotating position on stage left with the Cornerstone photographer. Sharon told me to keep people off the stage, but after telling one person to leave & finding out that she was a representative of Tooth & Nail, I abandoned my duty as amateur stage manager. As artificial smoke filled the stage, I loaded 3200 speed black & white film into my Canon, attached my telephoto lens, and waited for the performance to begin.

Punk Rock Scott—promoter and supporter of Ghoti Hook during the early days—introduced the band to an excited and packed tent. The lights were dim, the smoke was rising and the atmosphere was electric. The boys came on with painted-on skull faces and skeleton costumes. It was non-stop rocking after that, and the guest appearances were continuous. Mark joined the band for one song and totally rocked out (as always). Sam (from Stavesacre) played drums during “Cowboy,” while Adam borrowed a cowboy hat from someone in the audience and did a hilarious dance at the front of the stage. Michelle came up and sang “Next to Me” with Joel. Conrad added his guitar playing and jump kicks to “My Bike.” Robb-A busted through the Styrofoam tombstones to do the classic Hurt Me dance during “Tom’s Diner.” And good ol’ Laurel added her voice to “Ghost in the Graveyard.” The boys themselves seemed dead on and totally focused. The pace of the 2-hour show was relentless. Of course, the emotion made it even more so.

After every song, I realized I would never see it performed again. I believe it was Stephanie who asked me before the show if I was feeling the emotion of Ghoti Hook’s demise. I told her I wasn’t yet, but that I probably would on the ride home. Well, I was wrong. It hit me during their final song, “I Love Rock & Roll.” Now, I’m as stoic as they come (it’s a Tolosa family secret), but it was almost flood gate time then. I had no more film in my camera, so I couldn’t distract myself with photographing the show. I couldn’t do anything but watch them play their last song. I will always remember Adam looking up at Jamie and Joel beside him on the drum riser during the ending, nodding to them as if to say, “It was a good run, guys.”

The show ended, and the ranks formed backstage. We congratulated the band members—our friends…husband…fiancé…brother. Tears were shed, goodbyes were shared, and friends were assured. All the emotions I felt towards different friends backstage merged into something so overpowering, I didn’t want to leave the group’s presence. I had this intense feeling of joy…and love for all my friends. It sounds corny—I know—but it was so powerful. And it lasted the entire trip back to the hotel.

As I think about all the important friends in my life today (most of whom were there that night), I realized just about every one of them came into my life via Ghoti Hook. Deanne met the band at the first Cornerstone trip in ’95. Sharon met Jamie through a Ghoti Hook thread on Decapolis. Janna met Joel via mutual dealings with Tooth & Nail. Michelle came to our group via Conrad, as did Julia. Kevin was introduced to the band when the band needed to record their very first song for a compilation CD. Kevin’s band was also on the compilation and featured great vocals by Laurel, who I was a fan of at first, then a friend to later, when we all began attending the same church. That’s where Diane, Stephanie and Tania came into the picture. I knew Jeff from the rec.music.christian newsgroup in college, but didn’t start hanging out with him until he showed up for a Ghoti Hook show at Fudruckers. I met Mark and Doug at early Ghoti Hook performances in PA. All of these people would not be in my life today, if there were never any Ghoti Hook. For that reason alone (not to mention the fact that they’re my family and friends themselves), I owe the band so much. Now, the band is over, but the effect it’s had on my life is enduring.

Jeff and I returned to the hotel, took showers, got up the next morning and hopped on our flights home. I remembered to pray for Kelly, as I had promised. I was hoping to get home with enough time to go to church. Nobody I knew would be there, but I really wanted to make the worship service. Unfortunately, I didn’t get out of the airport until 7:30, so if I had gone, I would have missed worship. Instead, I took my time driving home & prayed the whole way there. I didn’t unpack or check my e-mail or do anything but get changed and crawl into bed…and set my alarm for six o’clock. Tomorrow was a work day, after all.