I just want to recap my first week with Mimi…

As I’ve written earlier, we first met in person last Tuesday night. We met in the MBC garage and shook hands. We were dressed the same way and looked like twins (jeans, black shirt, black leather jacket, black necklaces). We went to dinner at American Tap Room, then went to Reston Bible Church. When we said goodbye, we shook hands again.

On Friday, I was supposed to pick her up in D.C. She couldn’t get to her phone to give me directions, so we ended up meeting at the Staples parking lot in Ballston. We greeting each other with a hug this time [kino escalation]. We went to dinner at Ri-Ra—an Irish pub in Clarendon. We then went to the bowling alley, but were disappointed to find a two-hour wait. Instead of bowling, I dove us over to Fairfax to go ice skating. This turned out to be a really good idea for a number of reasons. We had a lot of fun picking out skates (I gave the girl behind the counter a hard time, which made both girls laugh). We then had a humorous adventure trying to get an old Asian man to take our picture. When we finally got out onto the ice, I immediately reached for her hand for support, and we didn’t stop holding hands the rest of the time [more kino escalation]. Despite many close calls, neither one of us ever fell down—which was surprising, because she hadn’t been ice skating in over ten years, and I just plain suck at it. I quickly got bored with skating in circles, so we sped things up, which increased the likelihood of crashing. That never happened, so we started maneuvering around slower skaters with more agility, and Mimi occasionally slammed me into the glass walls to simulate a hockey game. I attempted to twirl her, which almost made her fall. She gave me a stern reprimand. After about 20 minutes, I was ready to call it quits. We were having a lot of fun, but the moment I started sweating from the exertion, I knew it was time to stop. We sat for a while on a bench and watched the other skaters. She laughed to herself at one point, and I asked her what was so funny. “You,” she said and just smiled. It was one of those “first kiss” moments, but I let it hang there unfulfilled—to draw out the sexual tension (yes, I did use some game on her). We left and headed back to her car. We said goodbye with a hug, and she left for home. The night was still young, so I met up with my brother and McLean pals at Dr. Dremo’s (and later Tallula).

Sunday was very spontaneous. Mimi got off work early and called me to see if I wanted to hang out earlier than planned. Of course I said yes, then motored over to McLean. We met at the movie theater at Tyson’s Corner. We greeted each other in the parking lot with a hug, but I also tried to kiss her on the cheek. My attempt failed, and I ended up kissing the top of her head. She continued with her greeting, so I wasn’t sure if she was playing it off, or if she really didn’t notice what I was trying to do. When we got inside, we were just in time to make a showing of “Pan’s Labrynth,” which turned out to be an absolutely amazing movie. It was 7 PM by the time we got out, and even though I was starving, I thought it was best if we headed to MBC for Frontline. She told me she’d been to Frontline before, but the person she was with didn’t attempt to talk to anyone else—but rather rushed them into the service and out as fast as he could, shielding her away from everyone. So, I made it a point to introduce her to as many people as I could. The 7:30 service was much sparser than in the past, so I didn’t run into a whole lot of folks I knew (from kickball, etc.). Mimi and I sat up near the front, and I personally thought the worship service and teaching were pretty good. I’m not sure what her thoughts were (she wasn’t very expressive). After the service, I introduced her to my long-time pals (Robby, Lissy, Jay Jay, Deanne, etc.). We all then went to Olive Garden to eat. Mimi was really quiet during the meal. I assumed it was because it was late (with her work schedule and living location, she normally goes to bed at 8 PM). She was also in the presence of ten strangers, so I couldn’t blame her for her silence. I have a feeling, though, that she may not be a very expressive person in general. I think it’s all part of her “southern belle” etiquette training as a child. I dropped her off at her car at Tyson’s and told her that she has to plan our next date. We hugged each other goodbye. I decided not to go for an obligatory “goodbye kiss” (or a “hello kiss”) until after we’ve had our official first kiss.

It’s been two days now, and I haven’t heard from her. I’m at that point, where I normally start to worry about whether a girl is really interested in me. I’m also really tempted to call or email her. …But I’m not going to do any of that AFC crap. [AFC is an acronym for Average Frustrated Chump—another “game” term.] After all, it’s only been one week since we first met in person. I’m going to wait it out. Make it seem like I have other stuff going on in my life. Let her know that I can still “take or leave” her at this point—that I’m not desperate.

If I don’t hear from her during the week, I’ll give her a call on Saturday night to see if she wants to watch the Super Bowl together.

———————

So after a few weeks of emails and one week of dating, my initial impressions are that Mimi is amazingly beautiful (she looks like a model) and she’s a bit of a geek, which is really cool. She has a solid Christian upbringing and is not tempted to date non-Christians just because they’re hot or whatever. She doesn’t enjoy the bar & club scene, which is fine with me. She doesn’t connect with boys her age (or younger), so the fact that I’m older and can have “deep conversations” with her is a plus in both our favors. She says that she has a hard time making girl friends, which I can understand. I think her looks intimidate many girls, and I also think her posture & demeanor can make her seem snobby & distant to others. I’m hoping I can get her to be more relaxed and start to open up. I really want to be around a woman who can dish out as much as she takes. She laughs at my jokes, but she doesn’t really joke around herself. It seems one-sided to me. This is one reason why I asked her to plan our next date. I want her to make an effort and contribute to our interactions. It’s been a challenge to dig deep and find her personality—because she definitely doesn’t wear it on her sleeve. I’m willing to keep trying. I really want this relationship to work out. …But I’m not expecting any fairytale romance. I’m definitely more of a realist now, and I’m not expecting perfect compatibility with anyone. Nobody is exactly like me—nor do I necessarily want to be with someone who is.

Let’s see what happens next…

There are some movies that hold a special place in my heart—not because they’re necessarily good movies, but because of the time in my life that they signify. Here is a list of movies that I went to see on dates. I remember them with fondness…

“Far and Away” – w/ Sarah T. (my first date)
“Batman Returns” – w/ Sheila
“The Rocky Horror Picture Show” – w/ Sarah O.
“American History X” – w/ Maria
“The Insider” – w/ Kelly (total disaster)
“Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring” – w/ Michelle
“Spider-Man” – w/ Siobhan
“Spider-Man 2″ – w/ Laurel
“A Mighty Wind” – w/ Cheryl
“Amelie” – w/ Roberta
“Ghostbusters” – w/ Jenn (outdoors @ GMU)
“Napoleon Dynamite” – w/ Allie
“The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe” – w/ Carrie & Rachel
“Thank You for Smoking” – w/ Kim
“Corpse Bride” – w/ Romana (Flight UA260)
“The Nightmare Before Christmas (3D)” – w/ Kelli
“Pan’s Labyrinth” – w/ Mimi

About two months ago, I perused the Fairfax Co. Adult Continuing Education (ACE) catalog and found a few interesting classes to sign up for. The first was a class in Tagalog (the Filipino language), but I eventually canceled my enrollment due to the steep price and long time commitment. The other two classes were inexpensive and short (one- or two-evenings long). The self-hypnosis class is in March, and the “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less” (based on the book of the same name) started last night.

Aside:
Again, I didn’t approaching this class with any seriousness. I’ve already read the book by Nicholas Boothman and have applied some of his teachings in my life. However, I figured it’d be fun to experience the exercises in a classroom setting.

Last night, I arrived to the class late, as per usual. Luckily, they hadn’t started yet. I greeted the instructor, then sat in the back of the room. I looked around and got the feeling I was surrounded by social misfits—chronic wallflowers with very little social skills. I wasn’t sure if this was going to be fun or a total waste of time.

The instructor was a pleasant woman, who also happened to be a professional psychotherapist. She spoke very slowly and calmly and used the “vacuum” a lot. My first goal was to connect with her (you never know when you might need a psychotherapist). There was also one girl, who waits tables at Morton’s Steakhouse in Reston Town Center. I need to make friends with her. Nobody else seemed interesting to me.

After introductions, we participated in some exercises. The first one was to pick a partner and talk to him or her for 90 seconds. I found one Hispanic fellow on the other side of the room and chatted him up. I used Juggler Method and made him relax and laugh a lot. The exercise ended and, as I was walking back to my desk, Eddie (which was his name) shouted out to the whole class, “That guy is awesome!”

Yeah, this was going to be easy.

Now granted, these were mostly people who are very shy or are otherwise retarded at social interaction. But…

During group discussions, I tried to keep my mouth shut. I was hearing all kinds of wrong strategies being green-lighted by the class and the instructor. The instructor was very non-committal in drawing conclusions. She kept saying everyone’s answers were “valid.” Yeah, right. I’m sorry, but talking about the weather is not a good conversation starter. It’s better than saying nothing, but please…

I couldn’t help but suggest a few elements of Juggler Method to the class. I suggested using “I” statements immediately and not talking from a “God perspective.” I also suggested that it doesn’t matter what you say as an opener, because most people are more concerned with figuring out who you are and why you’re talking to them, that your first words don’t even register in their minds. I used one of Juggler’s openers as an example (”I’m so hungry I could eat my cat… And yours too!”).

I should have been charging them by the hour.

The only other noteworthy occurrence was during our last exercise. I was teamed up with two fairly old women. One was a professor, and I actually got along well with her—I think we have similar work ethics. The other was some eccentric woman with a cowboy hat, who immediately got upset with me for assigning initial roles to everyone for the exercise. We all had to take turns in each role, so I didn’t think it was necessary to first ask for volunteers. She said, “Oh, I see how it is. You’re just going to tell us what to do, huh? That’s very telling in itself.” I was like…are you serious? Then, as we got started, she said I was doing it differently than how the book told us to do it. I didn’t want to argue with her, because I already knew we weren’t going to finish in time. So, we did it her way.

Of course, we didn’t accomplish anything, because the way we did the exercise completely missed the point (which was to mirror each other’s body language). Once the instructor started asking the groups about the interactions, the dragon lady realized she was wrong, crossed her arms, and didn’t say another word. The professor and I explained to the class some of the things we gleaned from the exercise, but when the instructor asked dragon lady if she had anything to add, she simply said, “No.”

Note to self: Stay away from dragon lady tomorrow night.

I honestly didn’t get a single thing out of the first class. We went over Boothman’s handshake exercise, but that was something I’d already gotten out of reading his book anyway. I’m hoping that tomorrow’s class will cover some Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). Otherwise, I’m just going to worry about making friends with the instructor and the Morton’s waitress.

When you get bit by the love bug, you get the sickness fast. I’ve been trying my hardest to resist, because I don’t want to believe it. I’ve developed such thick skin over the past year… I can’t stand to see my heart grow so soft so quickly. I have discriminating tastes, dammit! I’m the picky one! Girls have to spend time convincing me that they’re worth it!

Then Mimi comes along and bypasses all of my security systems. She’s like a cat burglar, sneaking into my life and shutting down my defense mechanisms. Where did she get access? She must have had help. Divine assistance.

You know when you come to a point in your life and decide to go one way, then God steps in immediately and says otherwise? Well, this is happening right now. “Nice try, Michael… but I want you to go here.”

Well, I’m going to put myself out on a limb. Be vulnerable for a moment. I’ll take the chance that my heart might get wounded again. I’m not afraid of the risk. All these years, and I’m still not afraid of the risk. Almost everything about my life is high-risk. It’s just the way I roll.

I recently paid for long-term subscriptions to dating websites like Match.com and Yahoo! Personals. But after spending several hours with Mimi, I can already tell that we would be good together. I’m willing to stop looking elsewhere until I find out for sure.

So… I just removed my profile from both websites.

Adios, fishes. I’m getting out of the pool.

I had a big “ah ha” moment today during my job interview in Georgetown.

Prior to leaving for D.C., I listened to an interview with Style (aka Neil Strauss, a writer for Rolling Stone and a world-renowned pick-up artist). He talked about using “game” in everyday situations—not just when meeting women. During an interview with Britney Spears, he was getting nowhere with his questions (she was giving one-word answers, etc.). As a last resort, Style started gaming her (using standard Mystery Method), and then Britney totally opened up and started telling him everything he wanted to know—and more.

I thought about this on the drive to D.C. and decided that I would use elements of the game in my interview. Even though I really wanted the job, I thought it’d be more valuable to practice the skills I’ve been learning in a real-world, stressful situation. Besides, I didn’t want to come off as desperate—and the cure for desperation is “game.”

When I arrived in the office, I was greeted by the attractive receptionist. I used some cocky/funny on her to warm up. Soon, the man I was to interview with arrived, and I followed him to an empty office. I used the handshake exercise I learned from Nicholas Boothman (How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less). It worked well.

I immediately started the non-verbal body language process (taught by many folks, including Leil Lowndes). I started with closed body language (skeptical of the job), then gradually transitioned to open body language, as I showed interest in the position. Again, this seemed to work, and I could identify a sense of relief on the interviewer’s part, when I finally opened up.

I used several DHV (demonstration of high value) stories I prepared beforehand (aka routines), as per the Mystery Method. I’m sure these worked to some degree, even though there were no visible signs. It was just good to practice them in front of a live audience. (Like talking to women, it’s okay if you bomb during an interview—there’s always the next one.)

One thing I skipped was negging. I didn’t think it was appropriate for this setting. But I did pull out some cocky comedy (as per David DeAngelo). This aspect is already a natural part of my personality, so it wasn’t really a conscious decision. Also, since I was feeling a bit daring, I used the word “sexy” (per Juggler) to describe Cingular’s phones.

After I demonstrated high value, I started asking him about the job, the company, etc. It was his turn to demonstrate high value to me, and for me to show positive reaction (all classic Mystery Method, as well as Juggler Method). This, of course, is where the positive body language came in, as well.

Finally, it was time for the time bridge. I began talking about the next steps and when I would see him again. He went with it, and we started talking about the commute, parking, etc. Now, this could have been disingenuous on his part, but I didn’t spot any signs that he was lying.

He closed with a mind puzzle that he uses to judge people’s problem-solving skills…

Aside:
He asked me… “On any given weekday morning, how many red cars do you think pass over the Key Bridge between 7-10 AM?” I got excited, because I love these kinds of mind puzzles. I assumed that the bridge could hold about 100 cars at any given moment. Assuming it takes one minute to cross the bridge, and 1-in-5 cars are red (which, in retrospect, is too high an estimate), that means 20 red cars cross the bridge every minute. Multiply that by 180 minutes, and you have 3,600 red cars. (It’s more like half that.) The interviewer had no idea the number, but was pleased with how I came to my answer. “Most people just guess a number… like ‘100′ or ‘200′ without having any justification.” Well—as I’m sure he knew by now—I wasn’t like most people.

…Afterwards, I told him I had a visualization exercise for him called “The Cube” (which I stole from Style), but I’d go through it with him the next time I saw him.

I didn’t escalate kino. And I didn’t go for the number close or ask him for his email address.

The interview was over, and I went home.

Now, I realize there are myriad reasons why I might not get the job (my salary requirements, etc.), so regardless of the outcome, I’m still pleased with my ability to identify the social dynamics during the interview and use them to my advantage.

It was definitely an “ah ha” moment for me. I realized that the game is played everywhere in life—not just in bars and clubs.


The Dilemma of One-itis

Now that I have “one-itis” (see yesterday’s blog), I don’t have any desire to get back into the field to practice the skills I’ve learned—at least not until I know if this particular situation will work out. But I’m not going to stop practicing altogether. One realm where I can continue developing these skills is in the work arena. Not only at job interviews, but in any situation, where I have to motivate or persuade people—or get someone to like me.

So… Game on.