I’m still sick. I’ve been sick the past two weeks. I’ve concluded that my immune system is weak due to the stress of the past few weeks. Stress can do that to an immune system. I think that, because I don’t normally have stress, when I do have stress, my body is more susceptible to negative reactions.

So, what am I stressing over? Namely, my new job & commute (which the jury is still out on). And buying a condo.

I still don’t know what I think about the new job. Obviously, I hate the commute. But I’m warming up to the actual job material. I’m not really interested in the subject matter, but I think there is a lot of opportunity to accomplish some big projects (aka bullet points on my resume). Plus, it’s pretty secure and pays well. Meaning, other than the commute, it will probably be a stress-free work environment. That’s kinda cool.

As for my condo, I finalized the financing this week. I locked in a 5.875% interest rate. Considering it was likely that I’d be above 6%, I feel like I got a decent deal. Unfortunately, it also meant more money down during closing. I was a little stressed about where that money was going to come from, but God provided.

I can’t wait to get my first paycheck. That is going to relieve a lot of my financial stress.

I’m digging deep with my eBay sales. I can’t wait to go home tonight, so I can put several big-time items up for sale (Nikon negative scanner, HP photo printer, etc.). After every wave of sales, I feel like I can live with less and less. Eventually, I might start selling off furniture.

I can’t wait to go home. My manager took the day off to go motorcycle riding. That means I can probably leave early.

I have no time for anything during the week anymore. I started my new job in Pentagon City, and my commute to work is 2 hours each way. Yes, each way. So, I spend a total of 4 hours a day commuting. It’s ridiculous.

Is the job worth it? Considering I spend $8 a day on Metro fare/parking and I’m losing 4 hours of my life each day… I could make a salary of $17K less, work somewhere close to where I live, and still come out roughly the same.

So, I may continue looking for other employment.

However, the benefits of working in Pentagon City are…

1. The pay is fantastic. It’s the most I’ve ever made.
2. My job title of Senior Systems Analyst is pretty sweet. This is the first time I’ve been a “Senior” anything, and it’s going to be great for my career.
3. If I can stick with this for the entire one-year contract, I should be able to stick with anything—no matter how inconvenient—the rest of my life. It will make me more resilient and strengthen my character.

The downsides are…

1. I can’t do anything outside of work during the week. No sports, classes, dating, etc. Monday through Friday will be totally devoted to work and commuting.
2. Most of the people in the office dress “business professional.” Most guys wear ties. I don’t, because when I asked at the interview what the dress code was, my manager told me “business casual,” which I believe is universally known as “no tie.” Either way, I still feel like the worst dressed in the office—whereas, if I was working at a tech company in Dulles, I’d be overdressed.
3. Did I mention the commute?

There is some good news on the horizon. I just put a contract on a new condo in Oakton (near the Vienna metro stop), so my commute will be cut in half in about one month’s time.

This condo development was recently converted from apartments. It’s where my ex-coworker Barbara and kickball friend Jenn used to live, so I’m very familiar with the neighborhood. The condos were all renovated & upgraded, so they look really nice and new. Mine’s on the top floor (don’t worry, there’s an elevator) and overlooks the swimming pool.

I can’t wait to move in!

In other news, I made about $2,000 on eBay last week. Sweet. I’m running out of things to sell, though… Which is a good feeling.

I feel like I’m about to become a very boring person. I’m not going to have a life for the next year. I’m not sure if that’s sad, depressing, or slightly exciting.

Hmm…

My brother has a new cat, and it has taken up residence on my floor of the house. Unfortunately for me, the only place where this cat is safe from Jamie’s first cat (Butters) is under my bed. Butters is too fat to fit under there. I don’t agree with the fear this cat has of Butters, but I do agree that if he needed to flee from Butters, underneath my bed is his best option.

Unfortunately for me, however, this means that my bedroom door must be open at all times. This has provided me with weeks of restless sleep. It’s not the easiest thing to sleep while two cats are moaning at each other and smacking noisy balls against the walls of my bedroom. It’s only when the cat brings one of those noisy things onto my bed, that I get fed up enough to wake myself completely, grab the ball, and throw it out the door.

But I digress…

The point of this observation was to explain how this new cat has a “home base” established underneath my bed. This is his safe place. A place where he can retreat, when things get tough.

The term “home base” was used during the boot camp in D.C. a few weeks ago. Establish a default group in a bar or club, where you can go when you’re not approaching other groups. A place to recharge.

I’ve been retreating to home bases all my life, when things got tough.

My home bases were geographic. I would return to places of my past to gain perspective on my current problems, or simply to cheer myself up.

I would visit the church I grew up in. Or the street corner, where I did a lot of skateboarding in junior high. Or my college campus. Or Burke Lake (a frequent home base for me).

I return to these locations to gain perspective on the current circumstances of my life. I also go there to simply feel good.

Again, this touches on my idea of associating the feeling of happiness with external sources—in this case locations.

Visiting these places—returning to home bases—provides a happiness fix. But like all artificial sources of happiness, their effect wears off over time.

Now, when I think of places I could go to feel that sense of recharge, I draw a blank. I think the very notion of going somewhere to gain perspective has been put in perspective, and I’ve seen its futility.

It’s another artificial sweetener of life.

Happiness, safety… They’re internal emotions that we’ve associated with external behaviors and places.

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Just this week, I almost bought a condo in Cherrydale (a part of Arlington). I was willing to overlook several of the flaws of such a plan simply because I felt the “home base” phenomenon. I felt like I was returning to my hometown. It felt safe. Therefore I thought I should do it.

I haven’t yet concluded that having home bases is a bad thing, but I’m definitely sure that it CAN be a bad thing.

Relying solely on emotion, when making financial decisions, can be devastating.

When I took one last look at the condo today, I felt like my eyes were suddenly open to everything the decision entailed. My choice was made even easier, when the seller broke her word and requested a slight bit more than she had previously. I told her that, on principle, I don’t do business with people who do not have integrity. (Let your “yes” be “yes” and your “no” be “no.”) End of deal.

I am now looking at places that make the most logistical and economic sense. I’m removing the emotion from the equation.

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When I came home, I had a new Netflix movie. It was Madonna’s Immaculate [Video] Collection. When the videos for “Papa Don’t Preach” and “La Isla Bonita” came on, I was consumed with the “home base” feeling. I’ve associated those songs/videos with the happiest period of my life. Early to mid 80’s. Elementary school years.

The only songs that provide a more intense feeling of happiness for me are the old hymns sung in the church where I grew up in. Located in Cherrydale.

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I don’t think it’s wrong to associate happiness or safety with external sources. But I do think it’s important to be aware that you’re doing it. And not to rely solely on external sources to provide these feelings.

The reputation emotions have is that they are somehow more genuine than rational thought. Do what feels good—not what you think is right. If you’re true to your passions, you’re supposedly on the correct path.

The problem with that line of thinking, of course, is that emotions are subjective. What makes one person happy is not what makes other people happy. All of a sudden, everything is permissible (because if something makes one person happy, it can’t be wrong).

But when you understand the relationship between the feeling of happiness and external sources, you’ll understand that relying on emotions is a weak foundation for decision making.

People have associated the action of harming other people, animals, etc. with the feeling of happiness. In this case, they should not pursue happiness.

But some people associate the action of helping people, animals, etc. with the feeling of happiness. In this case, they should pursue what makes them happy.

The difference between these two examples is the specific external action involved. That action is deemed right or wrong by rational thought. No emotion is involved.

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So, I guess my conclusion is don’t do what makes you happy. Do what’s right. And learn to condition your subjective emotions to find happiness in doing what’s right.

This is very simple advice. It has universal application.

P.S. This blog is simply free association writing. I am not concerned with editing it in such a way as to make a clear argument. As you can see, my conclusion appears to have nothing to do with my brother’s cat.

P.S.S.S. I wish every woman would dress like Madonna in her “Lucky Star” video.

In the span of one week, I’ve sold or gotten rid of approximately 1/3 of my possessions. I gave half my clothes to the Salvation Army. I donated all of my comics (with the exception of one box of J. Scott Campbell books) to the local comic shop. I will sell the rest on eBay. I’ve sold every last one of my DVDs—even “must haves” like G.I. Joe, Transformers, and Battlestar Galactica. I sold the majority of my theology books—including a collection of Jonathan Edwards, Martin Luther, John Calvin, R.C. Sproul, Francis Schaeffer, and John MacArthur books. The only ones I kept were a few by John Gerstner. I donated all of my sporting goods to the Salvation Army—with the exception of my tennis and bowling gear. No more kickball, softball, roller derby or skateboarding. I sold all of my PUA material—including the Mystery Method DVDs, The Game, and all other related works on Amazon and eBay.

After selling a few remaining odds & ends on eBay, I will move on to the next major item… My car. Depending on where I end up living, I probably won’t need a car for much. I’ll be able to walk and take the Metro to everywhere I need to go. I’m going to sell my car, live without a car for a short while, then pay cash for a junk car to use for emergencies.

Without a car payment, I should be able to get rid of the rest of my debt quickly and begin seriously saving for the rest of the year. I’ll build up my 6-month emergency fund, pay cash for a decent car, and begin paying off the condo loan as quickly as possible.

I will also look for evening and weekend work to supplement my savings (and keep me busy & away from shopping). I’ve always wanted to do some part-time bartending.

I feel good. A huge burden has been lifted off me. I’ve gotten through the hard part—the dark, questionable part—and am now getting to the good stuff.

I’m sorry I can’t be more specific than that. I’ve been working on a large, multi-year project that I don’t want anyone to know about yet. There are several phases to this project, and I just recently finished a long, difficult one.

The next phase begins in April, when I will begin training of another kind.

Creating the end product will seem simple compared to the difficulty of the research and training involved.

But it will be worth it. Personally, spiritually and (hopefully) financially.

I will say this about my project… A lot of what I’m doing involves conquering fear.

Most people fear talking to strangers. Whether it’s public speaking, mingling, or approaching people of the opposite sex. They fear inter-personal communication, because it makes them vulnerable. The anxiety of putting themselves out there and being rejected is too much for them to bear. So they don’t even bother trying.

When you add this fear of passive rejection with an additional fear of active aggression that comes from talking about controversial topics, you have the great terror that every Christian faces.

Evangelism.

Not only is it frightening to approach a stranger in the first place, but it’s absolutely terrifying to try to build instant rapport with a stranger AND talk about something they will probably hate you for bringing up.

The logistics are confounding.

And yet, that’s what we’re supposed to do as Christians.

But just imagine if Christians could get over this approach anxiety and have enough conversation skills to talk about controversial topics without coming across as judgmental or obnoxious…

The “Christian” stereotype would certainly be different.

Most Christians fall into two categories, when it comes to evangelism… 1) They’re too afraid to even make the approach, or 2) they have boldness, but no interpersonal skills to communicate in a civilized manner.

The only “evangelists” I’ve run into in my life have been crazy wackos on my college campus, who thought that shouting at the students—calling them sluts and pagans—was the best way to talk about Jesus.

What if we could transplant that boldness into someone skilled in civilized conversation?

Evangelism involves four body parts… The heart, brain, tongue and balls.

• A Christian needs a heart for evangelism. The concern for the unsaved drives them to want to help.
• A Christian needs a brain for evangelism. They have to know the message that they’re trying to communicate.
• A Christian needs a tongue for evangelism. They need to be able to communicate the message in an appropriate, clear way.
• A Christian needs balls for evangelism. They need the courage to talk to anyone about Christ and risk ridicule and rejection.

It is my mission to provide these skills to fellow Christians.