Michael Tolosa

For three years, I’ve wanted to start or participate in an evangelism program that taught people how to approach strangers, build rapport, and share the Gospel in a non-confrontational way. During these years, I’ve consulted resource material and participated in actual “in the field” training that taught people how to approach strangers, give a good first impression, talk fluently, build comfort and rapport, and finally direct the interaction towards a specific outcome. But all of the training material I consulted was unrelated to evangelism – and the core goal of the teaching was self-serving, rather than outwardly focused.

I wanted there to be similar training that taught Christians how to naturally discuss spiritual matters with friends, family, coworkers, and even strangers – without being confrontational, rude, or insincere (the typical stereotypes of proselytizing Christians).

Approaching a stranger with the purpose of sharing the Gospel with him or her requires the same skills as the art of picking up a woman at a bar. You need an indirect approach, a casual opener, listening skills, escalation in the conversation, and an eventual statement of interest (or objective). Unlike pickup, I think steering the conversation toward spiritual matters would be easy, as it’s an unexpected goal and not something the recipient is actively defending against. But I digress…

The point is that I had been learning so much about networking and approaching strangers, that I knew there had to be a better use of these skills than simply for my own selfish benefit. I hypothesized what this world would be like, if every Christian had the skills and confidence to approach anyone, anywhere, at anytime with the purpose of evangelism.

Two weeks ago, I attended a workshop on “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less.” It was a business-networking workshop based on a book of the same name. We basically learned how to give a good first impression through our body language, tone of voice, and attitude. I had already taken the class and read the book three years ago, so it was more of a refresher for me. After the class was over, the teacher asked me if I would like to take over for her as the teacher of the workshop going forward. I thought it’d be fun, so I said yes.

The next day, I signed up for a “How to Share Your Faith” workshop at McLean Bible Church. This was the first time they offered a training workshop on evangelism, so I didn’t know what to expect. The workshop was held yesterday, and I can quite honestly say that it changed my life.

The majority of the workshop was typical stuff… We discussed the reasons why we don’t engage in evangelism (fear of making things socially awkward with friends and coworkers, etc.), what the Bible had to say about the topic, and ways to turn a conversation towards spiritual topics.

They showed this video of Penn (from Penn & Teller), which I found very powerful…

We participated in an activity where we practiced approaching strangers (note: there were a couple hundred people in the room) and bringing up Christianity naturally in our conversations.

I thought it was all very beneficial, but nothing mind-blowing. Then we had a surprise…

It seemed like the workshop was ending about 2 hours early, when the organizers surprised us with instant field missions – tasks for every table to accomplish out “in the field” (i.e., Tyson’s Corner) in the next two hours. As soon as I heard this, I was totally psyched. This workshop just turned into a boot camp (a la the pickup arts boot camps).

My table was assigned the Bed, Bath, and Beyond shopping center on Rt. 7. My teammates seemed anxious on the drive over, but I didn’t. I’d done this kind of thing before, and sharing the Gospel with strangers seemed like a really easy thing to do compared to the other stuff I’ve had to do on boot camps.

When we arrived at BB&B, I took a walk around the store and thought this really wasn’t going to work for me. Some of my tablemates successfully opened folks in the store, including the manager, so I figured they had the place covered. I went next door to Chic’s and Wings for a beer with one of my teammates, Heidi.

When we entered the bar, nobody looked up, so I didn’t have an immediate “in.” Heidi and I sat at the bar and ordered a couple of drinks. We chatted with each other, then I brought the bartender, Jessica, into our conversation. We talked about the NCAA tournament (of which I knew nothing about), but fortunately Heidi and Jessica connected, as their schools were still in the tournament (or had just lost). After a short while of this, I mentioned to Jessica that we were from a church up the road and had a short questionnaire for her, if she had the time to participate. She said she had to take care of some other stuff, but would come back if she could.

After 5-10 minutes, Heidi sighed and supposed that Jessica was not coming back. I said she had to at least give us the check.

Jessica did return and said she could take our survey. I assured her that if she at anytime didn’t feel comfortable answering any of the questions, she didn’t have to (I honestly hadn’t read the 5 questions prior, as this was Heidi’s challenge). As Heidi asked Jessica the very simple, non-confrontational questions, I noticed Jessica’s boss standing about 10 feet away, looking for some sort of signal from Jessica. I figured they worked out a “safety sign” to trigger a rescue prior to coming over. Thankfully, the manager was never signaled to come over, though she never took her eyes off us.

Heidi finished her questionnaire, and we found out that Jessica was a self-proclaimed Christian, but didn’t really know whether or not she would go to Heaven if she died, or by what criteria that could happen. She also told us that she doesn’t go to church, but that was mostly due to the fact that she had just moved here from Michigan not too long ago. I invited her to attend Frontline on a Sunday night, as there were more people like Heidi and I there, and we’d love to have her. I handed her a little Frontline card with basic information on the services (which was my challenge). Jessica thanked us, and I left her a big tip.

As we were leaving, Heidi grabbed some other material she had with her and approached a two-set of guys sitting at the bar. She told them about Frontline, invited them to come, and gave them the info cards. I couldn’t find the correct words to tell Heidi how proud I was of her boldness – as that kind of cold approach can be really intimidating – but I hope she somehow knows.

After leaving the bar, I realized how much more satisfying it was to do these kinds of social “missions,” than the other kind of challenges I’ve been involved with. And how cool it would be to find a partner who had the same calling.

I went home and “cleaned house” literally and figuratively. All of the ambitions and selfish pursuits I’ve been preoccupied with paled in comparison to this new calling. I want to continue developing my social and conversational skills – not for secular ambitions, but rather for spiritual, eternally significant ambitions.

And not only do I want to continue learning these skills, but I want to start teaching them as well. I want to lead evangelism boot camps. I want to train Christians to do this. And I want to spend my time with people who want to do this.

But I have to be prepared to lose everything else in my life. I’ve spent so much time developing social circles outside of my Christian world… It’ll be hard, but I have to accept the fact that, once I start down this path, I may very likely lose everything else.

With God’s help, and the support of Christian friends and fellow evangelists like Heidi, I’m willing to take that chance.

I feel good. A huge burden has been lifted off me. I’ve gotten through the hard part—the dark, questionable part—and am now getting to the good stuff.

I’m sorry I can’t be more specific than that. I’ve been working on a large, multi-year project that I don’t want anyone to know about yet. There are several phases to this project, and I just recently finished a long, difficult one.

The next phase begins in April, when I will begin training of another kind.

Creating the end product will seem simple compared to the difficulty of the research and training involved.

But it will be worth it. Personally, spiritually and (hopefully) financially.

I will say this about my project… A lot of what I’m doing involves conquering fear.

Most people fear talking to strangers. Whether it’s public speaking, mingling, or approaching people of the opposite sex. They fear inter-personal communication, because it makes them vulnerable. The anxiety of putting themselves out there and being rejected is too much for them to bear. So they don’t even bother trying.

When you add this fear of passive rejection with an additional fear of active aggression that comes from talking about controversial topics, you have the great terror that every Christian faces.

Evangelism.

Not only is it frightening to approach a stranger in the first place, but it’s absolutely terrifying to try to build instant rapport with a stranger AND talk about something they will probably hate you for bringing up.

The logistics are confounding.

And yet, that’s what we’re supposed to do as Christians.

But just imagine if Christians could get over this approach anxiety and have enough conversation skills to talk about controversial topics without coming across as judgmental or obnoxious…

The “Christian” stereotype would certainly be different.

Most Christians fall into two categories, when it comes to evangelism… 1) They’re too afraid to even make the approach, or 2) they have boldness, but no interpersonal skills to communicate in a civilized manner.

The only “evangelists” I’ve run into in my life have been crazy wackos on my college campus, who thought that shouting at the students—calling them sluts and pagans—was the best way to talk about Jesus.

What if we could transplant that boldness into someone skilled in civilized conversation?

Evangelism involves four body parts… The heart, brain, tongue and balls.

• A Christian needs a heart for evangelism. The concern for the unsaved drives them to want to help.
• A Christian needs a brain for evangelism. They have to know the message that they’re trying to communicate.
• A Christian needs a tongue for evangelism. They need to be able to communicate the message in an appropriate, clear way.
• A Christian needs balls for evangelism. They need the courage to talk to anyone about Christ and risk ridicule and rejection.

It is my mission to provide these skills to fellow Christians.

“But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts regard Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.” – 1 Peter 3:14-16

Last weekend, I spent a lot of time in prayer over the issue of evangelism. I listened to a lot of teaching and read books on the subject. I slowly acknowledged that straight-up evangelism (i.e., telling someone the story of the Gospel) was not necessarily every Christian’s call, and that I had thought “too highly of myself” and the task of evangelism.

For some are called “to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers.” Both evangelism and “making disciples” are an equal part of the Great Commission. While every Christian should be able to give an account for the hope that is in him, we are not all called to be evangelists.

I didn’t want this acknowledgement to make me lazy in the task of evangelism, but I had to admit that to be a witness for Christ was to testify, when He and His teachings are “on trial,” as a witness to His work in my life. When I am in the presence of false accusations against Christ and Christianity, it is my duty to stand up for Christ.

“For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.” – Mark 8:38

But if no such false accusations are present, then my attitude should be to look for opportunities to share the Gospel, but to also be keenly aware of how my words, attitude and behavior bare witness to those around me, as well. In this way, my life is a witness to Christ. Christians are constantly being witnesses for Christ, regardless of what they’re saying or who they’re with—simply by the lives they lead. If verbal evangelism is not present, then surely our lives tell the watching world of Christ’s work of salvation.

“Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” – Matthew 5:16

“Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us.” – Titus 2:7-8

However, if we lack both verbal evangelism and non-verbal evangelism, then it is safe to say there is no Christ in our lives to bare witness to.

The Friendship of J.

Prior to meeting with J. on Monday night, I had become very nervous and conflicted over my evangelistic strategy. I had previously been determined to share the Gospel with her that night. But as I had begun seeking God’s direction, I became more open to the idea of letting my “light shine before her” and simply showing her Christ’s love through my actions.

Part of the brokenness I see in J.’s life is how little she values herself and how that affects the way she allows others to treat her poorly. Above all else, I wanted to treat her the way Christ sees her—as individually valuable. That was the theme of the evening. Whether it was holding an umbrella over her, as we walked to the car, or buying her an expensive dinner at Clyde’s—I wanted her to feel valued. And maybe one day, I’ll be able to explain to her where that value comes from.

As the evening came to a close, it was important for me to show her that she didn’t need to do anything to earn the favor she received. It was freely given—as is Christ’s love. We went back to her apartment after dinner for a drink and to watch “The Office,” but I was very cordial and left immediately afterwards.

The evening turned out well—albeit slightly different from what I had intended. Once I got home, I breathed a sigh of relief and went straight to bed. …But not before going into my bathroom and throwing up.

The Departure of M.

M. is the hardest working person in my office. M. is the quietest person in the office. He is ignored by upper management and is passed over for promotions time and time again. M. puts me to shame in both patience and work ethic. He is not a Christian, but he lives out the call of Christ to “be perfect.” More so than I. I admire him a lot.

I’ve tried to be as good a worker as he, so that I wouldn’t tarnish the name of Christ through my apathetic performance in the office. But I always fall short of M.’s example. So, instead, I try my best with my work and show Christ’s love to M. by being a positive and trustworthy friend in the office. Although he’s used to eating his lunch in his cube, I’ve been inviting him to join me for lunch in the cafeteria and at local restaurants. We also went to two rock concerts together last month.

While we ate lunch in the cafeteria on Tuesday, he told me he had accepted a job in McLean and was leaving Sprint Nextel. He said I was the first to know. I felt honored that he wanted to tell me first, but I was also sad that I only had two more weeks to hang out with him. I told him I was happy for him, and he thanked me for my encouragement.

I imagine I will be hanging out with M. a lot in the coming weeks. And I hope I can continue to apply the methods of evangelism I’ve been considering here. In M.’s case, there is a two-week end point. But with other people in my life, I don’t have a clearly defined time span to influence them. The next time I see them could be the last.

I’m reading a book by John MacArthur called Nothing But the Truth: Upholding the Gospel in a Doubting Age. It deals mostly with evangelism. The chapter I read a few nights ago dealt with evangelistic prayer. It emphasized the importance of praying for the unsaved. As I read the chapter, I started to think of all the friends and coworkers in my life, who may be receptive to the Gospel message. I’ve built solid relationships with people at work and kickball, who know me well, but don’t know about the personal relationship I have with Jesus Christ. I know about their pains and daily struggles.

So, I prayed for these folks and asked God for the opportunity to talk with them about Christ in the coming days. As I mentally went through the list of folks I started with, more and more folks came to mind.

It’s a simple thing, but when I came to work the next morning, I shared out one of my iTunes playlists. (Note: Many folks in the office share out their playlists, so everyone can listen to each other’s music with iTunes.) Well, instead of sharing out a sample of songs, I shared out several sermons and lectures by John MacArthur and R.C. Sproul that dealt with work-related issues (like honoring God with your work ethic, finding the right job, etc.). I was pleased to find my playlist accessed routinely throughout the day.

At lunch, I sat with my friend and coworker, M.. (We went to a couple rock shows together last month.) Our conversations usually revolve around how Sprint Nextel is screwing us over—disgruntled, to say the least. On this day, I decided to stay positive and tell him, truthfully, that I wasn’t too worried about circumstances beyond my control. I told him it would actually be cool to not have to work in January, because I was planning to take seminary classes this winter. He seemed surprised that I was interested in going to seminary. He told me how he grew up in a Catholic school and needed to “get back into it.” I told him I was a Protestant—to which he suggested that Protestants and Catholics basically believe the same thing. It wasn’t the time to bring up theology, so I let it pass. He told me that all religions basically believe the same thing (which didn’t surprise me, since this is the prevailing view of our pluralistic & relativist culture), but what he hated most of all was when people tried to push their beliefs on him. We didn’t talk about religion after that, but the door is still open. At least now he knows where I stand, and the topic is within limits to talk about. M. is one of the people I will pray for.

J., the girl I sort of dated this summer, is another one I pray for. She recently showed up to a kickball board meeting and, while we chatted about each other’s love lives, she mentioned all these instances, when lame guys physically and emotionally mistreated her. It struck me hard at the time. I was so saddened by her jaded attitude towards dating and how little value she placed in herself. When I told her I was single again, she seemed genuinely excited about the possibility of hanging out. The reason, I can only imagine, is that I was probably the only guy she’s been with, who didn’t treat her like a sex object. While I don’t want to date her again, I am eager to hang out and be a good friend to her. Of all the people I know, she seems to be the most in need of spiritual deliverance. We are planning to meet on Monday for dinner. I’m going to pray continuously this weekend for God to prepare me for this evangelistic opportunity. I’ve never shared the Gospel with someone face-to-face. But I’m planning to on Monday. (Your prayers would be appreciated.)

There are others I would like to speak with about Christ. But J. and M. seem to be the ones God has placed in my path at this time.

I believe that once a Christian fails to be concerned with his own reputation in society (at work, at school, or even at kickball), his love for those around him blossoms and forces him to share the Gospel. After all, it’s because we love that we evangelize. If we do not evangelize, what does that say about our attitudes towards those around us? Do we love ourselves more than them? In order to have a heart for others, we must first take our eyes off ourselves.

Evangelism is something I’ve felt convicted to do for several years. Only now is it starting to happen. With God’s help, I will participate in the Great Commission and overcome the shame I feel for not having loved those around me. What happens to me, or my reputation, is irrelevant.

God, use me to accomplish your will. Help me to love J. and M. more than myself.

I went to Reston Bible Church this evening, because one of my co-workers invited E and I to go. I simply went to encourage E. I also hadn’t been to Reston Bible Church before, and I wanted to check it out. E ended up calling additional backup—M, her ex—to come with us.

I was impressed with the church. The sanctuary is about a fifth of the size of McLean Bible Church’s. It provided an intimate, yet modern, worship environment.

The event was called “Conversations,” and it was a mix of drama skits, testimonies, and live music. In all honesty, I thought it was the best bit of evangelism I’ve ever witnessed. Each of the five acts targeted different segments of people—a few of which really pinpointed where my friend E is right now. At parts, it sounded as if they were talking specifically about mine & E’s relationship and year-long dialog on Christianity.

After the performance, the pastor spoke for a bit, explaining the role that Jesus plays in the big picture of salvation. He communicated it very well—making it clear and simple. I think E was impressed with the evening’s message, and M seemed to gradually become less and less hostile (judging from her body language throughout the performance).

Once the lights came on & we started to exit the sanctuary, I got caught up in some conversations with other audience members. I recognized one girl from Campus Crusade at GMU (ten years ago). I’ve also seen her at Frontline before. She told me she was just talking about me earlier today with P (the former leader of GMU’s Campus Crusade for Christ), with whom she works. Apparently, he popped in my “Heroine” CD and asked her if she knew what ever became of me. I told her to tell him I’m now the captain of a church kickball team. I also tried to recruit her for my team (even though I don’t have any spots left). She said her friends had wanted to join, but she wasn’t into it. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your perspective), she has just gotten married, and she and her husband are “shopping” for a church to go to on Sunday mornings. I told her—in all seriousness—that I was going to start going to Reston Bible Church on Sunday mornings (or Saturday nights), in addition to going to Frontline. I want to attend a church that’s more intimate and traditional than MBC. Then keep Frontline as something additional and separate—a place where I can do more serving than being served.

Anyway, I was really impressed with Reston Bible Church. They have a great facility, the pastor is terrific, the worship music is really good, and there seemed to be a lot of cool, young adults in attendance. Plus, I already know a few people there. I’m going to try and make it back there this weekend.

I HIGHLY recommend their “Conversations” performance. It’s playing for two more nights (Thursday, Friday). If you get a chance to go, you really should. It’s a really great presentation. They really know what they’re doing over there. Bring your friends.

I’m hoping E will have a lot of questions for me tomorrow.